I know it’s been way too long since my last post but life happens. So today I want to talk to you today about denial. Just exactly what is denial? Well, conventional recovery would tell us that anyone who is in addictions such as using alcohol, drugs, or even sex or porn excessively and claims not to have a problem would be in denial. And if we are talking about people who are in the beginning stages of addition I can agree with you.
But I would like to talk about a larger group. A group that has made a decision that they are okay with what the drugs and alcohol are doing to them and are willing to accept the consequences of their choices. I know it sound illogical that anyone would want to do that but let’s face it. Most people that are addicts are not known for making logical choices are they? My argument would be that these individual are not in denial but in defense of their drug use.
What is defense? It is those individuals that in spite of what their friends, family and loved ones say they choose to stay in their addicted state because they are okay with the consequences. And they will gladly defend their choice. This flies in the face of modern recovery methods because if a person struggling with addictions were to tell a trained alcohol & drug counselor that they did not have a problem they would be labeled as being in denial. And in truth, this is the first sign of an addict. But this argument becomes a vicious circle that goes round and round with no clear winner, particularly if the addicted person has been in their addiction for some time.
They know they have a problem. But they have decided like the sky diver that jumps out of an airplane that to them the risks are acceptable. Also, like the sky diver they know the chances of them dying are real but they are willing to risk their life for a thrill and chill that they get from the rush that accompanies such actions.
So then what is the answer? It is quite simply to meet the addict where they are at. It is insulting to their intelligence to tell them they are in denial when in their mind they are not. We must learn to heed the words of John Maxwell in this case; “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
The problem is not the alcohol and drugs. Those are merely the symptoms of what a person is struggling to cover up. We must learn to meet them at their level of hurt in order to help them find their level of healing. Ernest Hemmingway once wrote; “Life breaks us all but afterwords we are strong at the broken places.” Life has a way of breaking us but God has a way of healing us that if far above anything we could ever ask or imagine.
In fact, Jesus’ example while He walked this earth was to meet people at the point of their physical needs first before he met their spiritual needs. I also believe that this applies to emotional needs as well. When is the last time you sat down with your loved one who is struggling with life and just listened to them. I know, it may not make sense and it definitely won’t sound logical but it will show that you care. You don’t have to approve of what they are doing and definitely not partake of what they are doing but you can share your unconditional love. It will be hard at first and they may even resist. But in the end, if you make this attempt, when they are broken enough they will know who to come to. More next time.
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